The Most Unnecessary Flavors From Classic Food Brands

In today's "more is more" world, the basics no longer seem to cut it. From outrageous stunts like turkey-flavored candy corn to earnest but questionable attempts at flavor innovation (chocolate hummus, anyone?) familiar brands are pushing the envelope enough to tear it. Here are some of the most memorable examples, including a new soda with something in common with your favorite Starbucks order.

Mary Shustack contributed to this story. 

Related: Brand Mash-Ups You Never Saw Coming

While Starbucks has had great success with nitrogen-infused, cold brew coffee, Pepsi has decided to get in on the nitro action. Promising a creamier, smoother taste than other sodas, Nitro Pepsi will be available March 28 in regular and vanilla flavors. Wondering how the soda will capture the nitro fizz Starbucks has using a tap? Pepsi used the same methods as Guinness and added a widget at the bottom of each can to create the nitrogen blast.

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If you've ever tasted a glass of red and thought, "This would be better with a fistful of Oreo cookies," this might be the drink for you (or maybe you need to take a basic wine-tasting class). For just $25, enjoy two bottles of what Barefoot Wines calls a "scrumptious medley of blackberry and dark cherry aromas as they transition into the delicate layers of chocolate (and) cookies & crème." The Oreo blend will be available exclusively on the Barefoot Wines website beginning Dec. 9. Our only question: Should we dunk our wine glass in milk? 

In an affront to humanity and everything that Midwesterners hold dear, Hidden Valley Ranch has released a holiday cocktail kit that includes everything you need to make RanchNog. Why the company decided to combine ranch and eggnog we may never know (cough, marketing stunt, cough) but if you think it's worth $50 as a gag gift — or you know someone who might prefer a $300 ranch suitcase — you can buy the Holiday RanchNog Kit online, at Hidden Valley's Ranch Shop.

Arby's has doubled down on its newish crinkle-cut fries by releasing a vodka that tastes just like them, seasoned with kosher salt and sugar. That sounds weird enough, but the roast-beef kings also released a curly-fry version, which is distilled with cayenne, paprika, onion, and garlic, mimicking the chain's iconic side dish. Will you be able to taste the potato? Will your drink remind you of old fryer oil? Answer all those questions and more by ordering a $60 bottle. 

Hot on the heels of a limited-edition, Cheeto-flavored Flamin' Hot Mountain Dew — sorry, that's "Mtn Dew" — now we're being subjected to another crime against beverages. Mtn Dew Gingerbread Snap'd has been unleashed at stores just in time for the holidays, and it somehow manages to fuse the drink's iconic citrus finish with the undeniable flavor of the spice-heavy holiday cookie ... all without turning brown like those boring regular colas. Bonus: The cans are festooned with delinquent gingerbread men hurling snowballs with a menacing gleam in their eyes.

Pairing wine with mustard seems like a sensible endeavor. But putting mustard in your wine? Hmmmmm. That's what iconic mustard brand Grey Poupon has decided to do with La Moutarde Vin, a white wine that it has infused with the same mustard seeds that go into Grey Poupon. The $30 wine — which comes with a jar of mustard, of course — has hints of spice and citrus, plus floral characteristics and a bright acidity, according to the company. It's best served chilled — next to a sandwich slathered with Grey Poupon, naturally.

As horrifying as it sounds, Turkey Dinner Candy Corn by Brach's is making a second appearance in 2021 — and it's even adding new flavors. Last year, the candy corn included the already gag-worthy flavor assortment of green beans, turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce, ginger-glazed carrots, and sweet potato pie. This year, Brach's dumps sweet potato pie and carrots, opting for apple pie and coffee. We're not really sure this is an upgrade, given that candy corn is polarizing even in its traditional form. Yep, we'll pass. 

Remember strawberry frosted Pop-Tarts? They seemed so decadent when you were a kid. Now, kids of all ages can turn to this brand for Cinnamon Roll, Frosted Strawberry Milkshake, Cinnamon Sugar Pretzel, and even Froot Loops flavors. Still, 2021 brought the ultimate head-scratcher: Mister E. That’s Pop-Tart’s cute way of stylizing a gimmicky mystery flavor. Stop reading now if you want to be surprised: The flavor is something akin to a sweetened everything bagel. “They taste like somebody dropped the garlic into the birthday cake frosting,” says one of many disappointed reviewers.

Is nothing sacred in this world? Macaroni and cheese, in all of its kid-whispering glory, should be just one color and one color only: bright yellow. But a randy-feeling Kraft couldn’t resist inflicting a sickeningly pink candy mac and cheese on an unsuspecting public in honor of Valentine’s Day this year. Insider’s verdict: “Similar to watered-down maple syrup.” No. Just no. 

Who doesn't love Pepperidge Farm’s original baked snack cracker, the staple of many a childhood? Today's kids can also snack on Pretzel, S’mores, Parmesan, or even “flavor blasted” options such as the unfortunately named Xplosive Pizza. The weirdest of ‘em all, though: An odd 2021 collaboration with Frank’s RedHot that results in spicy crackers that are definitely hot enough to make your average preschooler cry.

Sure, Diet Coke has raised eyebrows with its fruity forays: Twisted Mango, Zesty Blood Orange, Ginger Lime, and Fiesty Cherry (with only the latter two still in production). But Pepsi truly broke a barrier this year when it rolled out a limited-edition Peeps Pepsi combining the “crisp, refreshing taste of Pepsi-Cola with the pillowy-soft and sweet Peeps Marshmallow flavor consumers love,” according to an overly enthusiastic press release. Judging by this review, we won’t be clamoring for a repeat appearance next spring.

What's wrong with a simple, classic hummus? Well, Sabra seems to think it's boring, so it offers up variants such as Spinach & Artichoke, Salsa Verde, Jalapeño, and even Taco-Inspired. Arguably the biggest crime against hummus, though: Sabra Dark Chocolate, which debuted in 2020 and is described as a “dessert dip and spread.” Treated as such, it might be able to get us on board, but don’t look too hard at the label: It’s still made with chickpeas, of course.

Hidden Valley long ago joined the flavor craze with ranch variations including Avocado, Cucumber, Bacon, and Coleslaw. But it got tongues (and taste buds) wagging with its 2019 introduction of Ranch-Dipped Pizza, which, as Thrillist notes, “is ranch-dipped-pizza-flavored ranch dressing. It's what would happen if M.C. Escher had his own dressing. The ranch goes back into the ranch like an endless staircase that only leads back to itself.” 

Given that Spam itself is a punchline for many, Pumpkin Spice Spam was bound to attract attention when it came out in 2019. “Pumpkin Spice Spam is real and we tried it,” teases Food & Wine. The verdict: a not-entirely-heinous innovation in canned meats that “could easily be slathered in maple syrup, as you might with breakfast sausage.” 

Hawaiian Punch used to mean one thing: Fruit Juicy Red. Punchy, the mascot, would be surprised to learn that the classic is now joined by Lemonade, Berry Bonkers, Green Berry Rush, Polar Blast, and Mango Monsoon, among others. Still, the weirdest of ’em all has to be Whitewater Wave, which is ostensibly a coconut-pineapple flavor. We say “ostensibly” because we neither confirm or deny — to do that, we’d have to drink white Hawaiian Punch.

Remember when Triscuits were just a wheat cracker with an unusual texture? Today, you can choose from Balsamic Vinegar & Basil, Smoked Gouda, Fire-Roasted Tomato & Olive Oil, Dill Sea Salt & Olive Oil ... and that’s not even all of them. We’re particularly puzzled by Avocado, Cilantro, & Lime. Setting aside how divisive cilantro can be, the flavor combo “is basically guacamole on a Triscuit,” notes the St. Louis Post-Dispatch. Key word: “on” — you’ll never convince us that Triscuits are anything but a vessel for tastier toppings.

This brand of microwave popcorn mostly gives spins on the same theme. It's almost like an old "Saturday Night Live" skit: You can have Butter, Extra Butter, Double Butter, 94% Fat Free Butter, Light Butter, Homestyle Butter, and Movie Theater Butter. But Pop Secret isn’t above an occasional curveball: The dessertlike Popfetti, unveiled in 2017, tasted like yellow cake and buttercream. Junk Banter even declared it the perfect snack for “Netflix and eating alone on the couch.”

Doritos is known for celebrating its quirkiness beyond the traditional Nacho Cheese and Cool Ranch flavors, and its current lineup includes the fiery Flamas and chile-limon Dinamita variations. Still, those pale in comparison with Wasabi Doritos, which popped up on shelves in 2017 looking disturbingly … well, green. They may still be available in Japan, and we’re happy to cede this one to our friends across the Pacific.  

Forget plain English muffins when you can have Multigrain, Blueberry, Honey Wheat, Cinnamon Raisin, and even a limited-edition Banana Bread flavor. Still, that’s just barely offbeat compared with Thomas’ zany limited-run Bacon Buttermilk Pancake English muffins, which hit shelves for just six short weeks in 2017. If you missed ’em, it might be for the best. “It tastes almost like someone used something sweet to try to cover the faint taste of slightly rotten meat,” proclaims reviewer Junk Food Betty. 

We used to have to dress up oatmeal on our own, but those days are long gone now that Quaker has a long list of options from Maple & Brown Sugar to Cinnamon & Spice, and Strawberries & Cream to Raisin, Date & Walnut. When Quaker decided to let customers brainstorm its next big flavor, the result was the dubiously savory Apple Cheddar Rosemary, which hit shelves for a limited-time run in 2017.

It’s hard to beat a classic Oreo: sweet, white cream between two chocolate biscuits. When Golden and Double Stuf Oreos came into the picture, those flavors seemed daring, but from there the options went wild, from Hot & Spicy Cinnamon to Birthday Cake to an aborted experiment with Buttered Popcorn (really). But if you ask us, the No. 1 weirdest Oreo flavor to exist was Swedish Fish, which debuted in 2016 and tasted like it was “soaked overnight in Robitussin,” according to Junk Banter. 

Does anyone eat plain yogurt anymore? Chobani doesn’t appear to think so. Its Chobani Flip line features everything from Coffee Brownie Bliss to S’more S’mores to Chewy Churro. But back in 2015, Sriracha mania was in full swing, and it just couldn’t resist its own twist on the trend: mango-flavored yogurt with “Sriracha-coated rice crisps, mini sesame sticks, and roasted and salted cashew pieces,” according to Time. Also debuting at that time: Chipotle Pineapple.

Be sure to look more closely at Cheez-It's classic red box before you head to the cash register. You may accidentally pick up Pepper Jack, Hot & Spicy, Buffalo Wing, or one of several other varieties while searching for the original. The madness doesn't stop there, though. In 2015, Cheez-It decided that deliberately burning its crackers was enough of an excuse for a new “flavor,” and voila: Extra Toasty Cheez-Its were born. 

By now, Lay’s has debuted so many zany flavors that it’s hard to keep track of them all: Wavy Fried Green Tomato? Biscuits and Gravy? Szechuan Chicken? Check, check, check. But there’s one that still manages to make our blood run cold: Cappuccino, which was part of the original “Do Us a Flavor” lineup back in 2014. “These are fascinating to eat, but aren't actually appetizing,” opines MassLive. “It's like your mouth is watching ‘Breaking Bad.’ The experience can't exactly be defined as ‘enjoyable,’ but you want to know what happens if you continue investing in it.”

M&M's come in mini and mega sizes, and the ever-expanding flavor range has expanded beyond basics such as Peanut and Almond to Coffee Nut, Caramel, Crispy, and the elusive Mint. We’ll forgive all of those riffs on the original, but there’s one we just can’t abide: Pumpkin Spice, which launched in 2013 in all of its basic, autumn-loving glory. Spotted on shelves more recently: White Pumpkin Pie M&M's.

We’re not quite sure why this one is so hard to swallow, pun intended. Spearmint and peppermint are old standby flavors of Wrigley’s Extra gum. Of course, there’s also the slightly more exotic Watermelon and Polar Ice flavors. But Mint Chocolate Chip? This “Dessert Delights” flavor hit shelves in 2010, and while it seems to have earned quite a few fans, GrubGrade learned the hard way that the No. 1 ingredient, sorbitol, can wreak havoc on the digestive system in larger quantities.