BLOODY BEST: THE NOOK
The garnishes are so big on the Bloody Best at The Nook that the drink's glass needs to be a hefty 32 ounces just to hold them all. There are the usual ingredients, like lemon and pickled peppers, but also skewers of tater tots, steak, a hard-boiled egg, and a piece of toast (because you're going to need some carbs with that huge drink). You can even sip it through a beef stick straw if you like.
THE BARN YARD: FARMER'S TABLE
Farmer's Table has a really solid bloody mary list. Their four standard-size options include wild garnishes like andouille sausage, Mexican street corn, and a bacon-wrapped hot dog. But if you go all out and order the Barn Yard, you'll get all four in a pitcher topped with every garnish, plus a whole roasted chicken. It is truly a sight to behold.
MEGA MARY: CRYSTAL LAKE RIB HOUSE
Crystal Lake, IL
The MEGA MARY (all caps warranted) at Crystal Lake Rib House is the most gravity-defying bloody on the list. Included and somehow balancing on top of the glass are a full slab of ribs, multiple donuts, chicken wings, a bratwurst, a muffin, a hard-boiled egg, onion rings, cheeses, and too many other goodies to list. Plan ahead, because you need to order this $59.95 beast at least 24 hours in advance.
HOOGE MARY: HOOZEL'S BAR
Wisconsin Rapids, WI
We're not sure whether the Hooge Mary gets its name from its "huuuge" size or because it sounds similar to the bar's name: Hoozel's. No matter, because it lives up to its enigmatic name with garnishes of a mini-pizza, smile-shaped fries, tater tots, onion rings, a hard-boiled egg, pretzel rods, and an untold number of other fried bar snacks. It's served on a tray so you can deconstruct it gracefully.
CRABBY MARY: LUKE WHOLEY'S WILD ALASKAN GRILLE
When soft shell crabs are in season, get yourself to Wild Alaskan Grille. The sushi and seafood restaurant fries whole soft shells, but instead of putting them in a sandwich, they're set on top of their bloody marys. The crabs get a pickle slice smile and olive eyes for a slightly creepy, but delicious addition. Crispy bacon and boiled shrimp are optional add-ons for even more protein.
THE BIG FIX: THE FLIPSIDE
At The Flipside, you hardly need to order any food besides the Big Fix bloody. The $27 creation is bursting with pickles, bacon, veggies, tater tots, and a cluster of snow crab legs, all in a Clamato-laced homemade mix. And since this is Nashville where chicken reigns supreme, you get a fried chicken breast too.
SUMO MARY: SUNDA
Asian foods aren't a typical bloody mary topper, unless you head to Sunda, an Asian fusion restaurant. The appropriately named Sumo Mary comes with a duck and hoisin bao, crab handroll, crispy pork belly, shishito peppers, pickled daikon radish, potatoes, bacon, lumpia, and a pork belly grilled cheese. Why bother with the bloody mary bar when you can order this beauty instead?
32-OUNCE BLOODY MARY: ANVIL PUB
Some people just don't like brunch. For those people, there's the "F* Brunch" option at Anvil Pub. Your anti-brunch bloody will be served in a 32-ounce mason jar and topped with a bacon cheeseburger slider, plus a whole ton of other garnishes that change on the bartender's whims. Expect cheese, sausage, various pickles, veggies, and sometimes even crawfish or mini-donuts. If one drink isn't enough, try a mimosa, screwdriver or sangria, all topped with crazy amounts of garnishes too.
ONE ARMED MARY: GREAT MAPLE
The bloody mary at Great Maple in San Diego doesn't win any prizes for the number of garnishes but gets an honorable mention thanks to its unusual topper. The One Armed Mary has a single grilled octopus tentacle along with a pickle, winning seafood fans over with its elegant simplicity.
LOX'D & LOADED: BUFFALO & BERGEN
Buffalo & Bergen takes an East Coast breakfast staple — a bagel with lox — and spins it into a bloody mary. A full everything bagel with cream cheese, lox, capers, and red onion is served atop a few lettuce leaves to keep the drink from soaking the bagel. At almost $20, it's not cheap, but you're also getting a full meal in one of the priciest cities in the country.
BOOMBOX BLOODY MARY: BOOMBOX PIZZA
You'll feel like you went back in time at Boombox Pizza with its '90s vintage arcade games and wall of subwoofers. But a decidedly newer trend is their bloody mary topped with a whole slice of pizza. There's also some pickled asparagus, salami, olives, and maybe a beef stick, but really, the pizza is why we're here. Sip, eat your slice, and play skeeball.
MONSTER MARY: SPRING BROOK SPORTS BAR & GRILL
Wisconsin Dells, WI
Served in a 50-ounce pitcher, the Monster Mary at Spring Brook Resort is fitting for the vacation capital of Wisconsin, where you might need a little hair-of-the-dog for lunch. It comes with two burgers on garlic toast will all the trimmings, a stack of onion strings, smoked buffalo wings, various pickles, sausage, beef sticks, and the most Wisconsin of additions, deep fried cheese curds.
THE BLOODY ROYALE: FRANKLIN & COMPANY
There are seven different bloody mary variations to try at Franklin & Company, but the one you should choose is the Bloody Royale. It's got the craziest stack of garnishes: celery, olives, pickles, bacon-wrapped roasted jalapeno, pickled tomatillo, pepper jack cheese, roasted brussels sprouts, a fried onion ring, and a burger slider.
TRIPLE THREAT BLOODY: THE ORIGINAL CRABCAKE FACTORY
Ocean City, MD
It's impossible to escape crabs in Maryland, even in your drinks. The Triple Threat Bloody at the Crabcake Factory includes three slices of bacon, five shrimp, spicy pickled green beans, and a full quarter-pound of lump crab meat piled right on top. Instead of cocktail sauce for dipping, you get a whole bloody mary instead, which seems like a great substitution.
CHUBBY MARY: THE COVE
The Cove in northern Michigan may have created the most Michigan drink ever. The Chubby Mary is served with olives, pickles, and a whole smoked chub. Chubs are small, oily fish similar to trout that are often served smoked. Considering the restaurant's proximity to Lake Michigan, it seems like a fitting garnish.
BRUNCH FOR TWO: PARTY FOWL
A hot chicken restaurant in Nashville is pulling out all the stops with its Brunch for Two bloody. Party Fowl calls the concoction a "Southern-fried Edible Arrangement" and that's pretty accurate. The 55-ounce drink has two whole deep fried cornish game hens sitting upright on top, and you can get them in soaked in hot chicken sauce. There are also two whole Scotch eggs, fried okra, and a halved avocado — for something a little healthy.
BBQ BLOODY MARY: MISS KIM'S BY TBG
Rich barbecue and tangy bloodies are already a perfect duo, so why not put them together in one drink? That Boy Good's Miss Kim's location mixes up their bloodies with barbecue sauce and rims the glass with dry rub for good measure. It's garnished with a smoked barbecue rib and pickles for a classic pairing that should be standard in any barbecue joint.
WRECKLESS MARY: BUMBLEBERRY FLATS
Bumbleberry Flats is located inside the Pioneer Hotel & Gambling Hall and its Wreckless Mary is as flashy as the slot machine floor. Atop the 23-ounce drink is a mini-fried chicken and waffle, plus a fried green tomato and bacon slider, a hard-boiled egg, shrimp, pickles, and celery. It's also served with an 8-ounce beer chaser, something you don't see much of outside of the Midwest.
MEATY MAN: THE ATTIC ON BROADWAY
Long Beach, CA
Meat lovers unite and head on over to The Attic in Long Beach. The geniuses there have figured out every possible way to include meat in the bloody mary. They use a bacon-infused vodka and include demi-glace, a rich French sauce, in the mix. The Meaty Man is then topped with bacon, a short rib slider, and Slim Jim-stuffed olives. It's so beloved that it has its own emoji.
PITMASTER BLOODY MARY: PARKER JOHN'S BBQ & PIZZA
Pitmaster is the ideal name for the mega 25-ounce bloody served at Parker John's. It's for carnivores only, as it's garnished with a pulled pork slider, smoked chicken wing, smoked andouille sausage, and a half rack of ribs. You won't even need to order a meal with this one.
HAIL MARY: THE STAR BAR
The Hail Mary at Star Bar has gone through a few iterations over the years, but they've all been Texas-sized. Currently, it's topped with a full-size fried chicken sandwich, smoked cocktail sausages, cheese, olives, peppers, pickles, cherry tomatoes, and both chocolate and powdered sugar mini donuts, so you won't even need to order dessert.
BLOODY MEERA: RAHI
New York City
New Yorkers tend to eschew the insane garnish trend in lieu of a darn good drink. At Indian restaurant Rahi, there's not much on top, but their Bloody Meera is uniquely flavored with smoky chipotle, black salt, Indian spice blend garam masala, and lime. It's topped with a small, extremely hot pepper, if you dare.
GO BIG OR GO HOME!: GUY FIERI'S VEGAS KITCHEN & BAR
Love him or hate him, Guy Fieri knows how to do things over-the-top, making his restaurants a great fit for this list and for Sin City. At his Vegas Kitchen & Bar, order a 52-ounce monster of a bloody mary to help with that hangover. You get to choose the garnishes that come on top, and you bet there's going to be a mountain of them, whether you pick shrimp, pickled cauliflower, spicy olives, or candied bacon. You're going to want to share this one with a few friends.
BLOODY BEST: CHEF POINT CAFE
The Bloody Best at Chef Point Cafe is so big with so many components that you get a mimosa or a beer to drink while you wait for them to make it. The toppings include a piece of "Better Than Sex" fried chicken, a cheeseburger slider, waffle fries, huge grilled shrimp, jalapenos, a pickle spear, and bacon. It's a full meal — or two — sides included.
THE "GLASS" SLIPPER: WICKED HOP
At the Wicked Hop in the trendy Third Ward neighborhood of Milwaukee, you can get a pint-sized regular bloody, or you can get one super-sized. The "Glass" Slipper — it's in quotes because it's served in plastic — comes in a huge 96-ounce boot. It's crowned with pickles, beef sticks, shrimp, pickled mushrooms, olives, and fistfuls of thin mozzarella cheese whips. Six beer chasers are served alongside, so let your buddies have some.
THE CAPTAIN: THE DARLING OYSTER BAR
Seafood is so popular in the Lowcountry of South Carolina that it's made its way into the bloody marys. At The Darling Oyster Bar, order The Captain, a feast for shellfish lovers with shrimp, a hushpuppy on a stick, a king crab leg, and a whole lobster claw. Sure, there's some pickles and celery thrown in too, but that's not why you're ordering this one.