finnish long drink
Wilder Shaw / Cheapism

The Path to Pantsdrunk: 4 Finnish Long Drink Flavors, Ranked

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finnish long drink
Wilder Shaw / Cheapism

Pantsdrunk

Life is undoubtedly stressful. The good news is, there is a simpler way. The Finnish tradition of "kalsarikänni" — also known as pantsdrunk — is generally centered around drinking gin-based cocktails, beverages known in Finland as "lonkero" or "long drink." More good news: Kalsarikänni is not as elusive in the U.S. as you might think. Now, thanks to The Finnish Long Drink — a favorite among the actor Miles Teller and a few others — you can grab the gin cocktail in a can. I decided to taste all four Finnish Long Drink flavors for a true pantsdrunk experience. Here's how they stacked up. 


Related: Every Bud Light Seltzer I Could Get My Hands On, Ranked

the finnish long drink cranberry
Wilder Shaw / Cheapism

Best: Cranberry

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What an upset. This was the flavor I expected to be too sweet for me, but the truth is, it's perfect. The cranberry flavor masks any sort of overly sweet moments that you might be worried about; you can bet I'll be stocking my apartment with these things. Perfect tartness, perfect flora flavor, and perfect over ice. I see you, Finnish Long Drink Cranberry.


Related: Surprising Things You Didn't Know About Cranberries

the finnish long drink zero sugar
Wilder Shaw / Cheapism

2. Zero Sugar

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This is the first time in my life I can recall enjoying something with artificial sugar more than the original version. For some reason, the sucralose (you know it from such hits as Splenda) kind of works here, and plays nicely with the grapefruit and gin flavors. Do I like this the best because by the time I tasted it, I had already pantsdrunk'd my way through the other three favors? It's highly possible. Doesn't matter. That's the whole point, isn't it?


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the finnish long drink original
Wilder Shaw / Cheapism

3. Original

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A little on the sweet side, this actually isn't far off from a Smirnoff Ice, but with less deception and knee bending. Poured over ice, this is a refreshing treat.

finnish long drink strong citrus
Wilder Shaw / Cheapism

4. Strong Citrus

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Strong Citrus, indeed. This is a bruiser, full of grapefruit and juniper. You can smell the 8.5% the minute you crack into one of these, but at the end of the day, isn't that what we're here for? Every long drink should be 8.5%. We're here to relax.