The Path to Pantsdrunk: 4 Finnish Long Drink Flavors, Ranked

Life is undoubtedly stressful. The good news is, there is a simpler way. The Finnish tradition of "kalsarikänni" — also known as pantsdrunk — is generally centered around drinking gin-based cocktails, traditionally made with grapefruit juice or soda, beverages known in Finland as "lonkero" or "long drink." 

More good news: Kalsarikänni is not as elusive in the U.S. as you might think. Now, thanks to The Finnish Long Drink — a favorite among the actor Miles Teller and a few others — you can grab the gin cocktail in a can. 

What Flavors Does Long Drink Come in?

• Traditional Citrus
• Zero Sugar Citrus
• Cranberry 
• Strong Citrus

I decided to taste all four Finnish Long Drink flavors and rank them for a true pantsdrunk experience. Here's how they stacked up, ranked from best to worst. 

Note: Since our taste test, this Long Drink company has launched a Peach flavor.

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5.5% ABV

What an upset. This was the flavor I expected to be too sweet for me, but the truth is, it's perfect. The cranberry flavor masks any sort of overly sweet moments that you might be worried about; you can bet I'll be stocking my apartment with these things. Perfect tartness, perfect flora flavor, and perfect over ice. I see you, Finnish Long Drink Cranberry.

Related: Every Bud Light Seltzer I Could Get My Hands On, Ranked

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5.5% ABV

This is the first time in my life I can recall enjoying something with artificial sugar more than the original version. For some reason, the sucralose (you know it from such hits as Splenda) kind of works here, and plays nicely with the grapefruit and gin flavors. Do I like this the best because by the time I tasted it, I had already pantsdrunk'd my way through the other three favors? It's highly possible. Doesn't matter. That's the whole point, isn't it?

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5.5% ABV

A little on the sweet side, this actually isn't far off from a Smirnoff Ice, but with less deception and knee bending. Poured over ice, Long Drink Traditional is a refreshing treat.

Looking for other canned cocktails? See what we thought of Sunny D's Vodka Seltzer.

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8.5% ABV

Strong Citrus, indeed. This is a bruiser, full of grapefruit and juniper. You can smell the 8.5% the minute you crack into one of these, but at the end of the day, isn't that what we're here for? Every long drink should be 8.5%. We're here to relax.