10 Things You Should Never Do at Fast Food Drive-Thru Lanes

People do lots of gross and ill-advised things when they’re eating. However, none of those gastronomic wrongdoings hold a candle to what some do when waiting in the drive-thru line for extra-large fries.

Motorists often do unacceptable things at drive-thru windows that don’t just slow everyone down. They constitute grotesque displays of trashy behavior that amount to forsaking one’s dignity for six-piece chicken nuggets. 

Read our picks for some of our least favorite drive-thru line behavior, which would result in a lifetime ban by Mayor McCheese in a just world. 

If you’re asking for things that aren’t on the menu or demanding everything to be made in a super specific way, we have a word of warning for you. As you do this you will earn the ire of all your fellow line denizens, the person taking your order, and the person who hands you the bag of food at the end. They all hate you for thinking you’re special, and they will go home and complain to their spouses about your behavior. Don’t be that guy. 

The person taking your order isn’t your therapist, buddy, or astrologer. In fact, the interaction only occurs because the worker is being paid to speak to you and will never think of you again unless you happen to come back and order more food. So keep it quick, and move along since you’re probably not that interesting. 

Nobody wants to hear your car’s speakers rattling with bass while you’re trying to place an order. In fact, they don’t want to hear anywhere else, either. So turn it down when you’re about five cars from the front. 

Changing your mind after they’ve already made your food? Too bad. That’s not just disrespectful to both the workers and the people behind you, but chances are, they won’t do it for you unless you drive all the way around, go back on the line, and order again like you weren’t just at the window five minutes ago. 

PRO TIP: The person taking your order at the drive-thru has no control over the prices. They literally cannot lower the cost of your Big Mac by as much as a single red American cent. Embrace the fact that the drive-thru line does not operate on the barter system. The prices are what they are. 

People hate this no matter where you are. Remember that time you were waiting in line at the supermarket and had to wait forever because someone at the cash register had a coupon that expired in May? Same deal. It’s not going to work, no matter how much you argue. Give up. 

Despite what may have seen depicted on “Curb Your Enthusiasm,” it’s likely that if you walk up to a completely deserted drive-thru window sans a car, they may sell you some fries and send you on your way. This does not work when there’s a line full of cars at the drive-thru, whose most operative term in that particular portmanteau is “drive.” Wait in your car like everyone else, and don’t be that person. 

Yelling or getting angry at the workers won’t get you your food faster. In fact, nothing anyone does will make your food come out any faster, even being really, really nice. You cannot influence how long they keep your food in the microwave, so don’t bother yelling at them. And really, do you want to scream at anybody who’s preparing food for you? You never know what “personal matter” they might put in it in response. 

YouTube is sadly full of videos depicting people in drive-thru lines getting into beef (ha ha) with one another. Escalating things to a physical confrontation over a fast food order is not worth it, and you don’t want to end up in a police body cam video because you felt the person in the car in front of you was taking a bit too long for your liking. 

All of us wish to find true love, and it is a fact that it sometimes presents itself to us in unlikely contexts, such as the workplace. Having said that, the mother of three working her way through college by operating the drive-thru line sees you not as a handsome suitor who will whisk her away to some utopia, but as some creep annoying her while she’s at work. At the same time, you will be providing free entertainment to the motorist behind you as you try and spectacularly fail to win the heart of the drive-thru worker. 

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