IT'S THE HOLIDAYS — YOUR SWEATER SHOULD BE UGLY
Hideous holiday sweaters have been such a cliche for so long that they're actually now in vogue. Christmas parties are a competition for who can wear the most unsightly, the ugliest, and most criminally unattractive sweater in the room. This year, you can win that battle for less than $30, but try to avoid the temptation to give them to co-workers.
Prices and availability are subject to change. It is the holiday season, after all.
'ELF' MOVIE SWEATER
Est. Price: $30 | Buy it from Target
"Elf" is in the running for greatest Christmas movie of all time, and everyone who makes watching it a December ritual knows the line, "I know him!" Celebrate in style — sort of — this year with a gloriously hideous sweater that doubles as an homage to "Elf."
FAT SANTA HOODED SWEATER
Est. Price: $20 | Buy it from Zulily
Let it all hang out this Christmas with a sweater made for the kind of Santa who isn't afraid to show off his girth. The belly bulges through buttons that are just barely clinging to life. Santa, after all, is not known for his svelte figure.
ALEX STEVENS MEN'S 8-BIT SANTA UGLY CHRISTMAS SWEATER
Est. Price: $30 | Buy it from Amazon
Up close, it's just an interconnected string of animated Santa Clauses holding hands. When you stand a few feet back, however, this Alex Stevens sweater blurs into an Atari-esque, 8-bit blur of red, white, and green awfulness that no one at the Christmas party could ignore. For good measure, the bottom is adorned with yellow trim.
UGLY MATERNITY CHRISTMAS SWEATER
Est. Price: $20 | Buy it from Kohl's
Moms-to-be can join in the holiday hideousness, too, with this maternity sweater featuring a wide-eyed reindeer looking down expectantly at a possible Christmas surprise.
UGLY BOW CHRISTMAS SWEATER FOR BABIES AND TODDLERS
Est. Price: $25 | Buy it from Tipsy Elves
There's something about a giant gold bow that just puts massive heapings of ugly on whatever they touch. This year, your baby can get in on action with this painfully ugly gem, which makes matters even worse with a clashing green waistband and collar.
FAUX REAL MEN'S HALF UGLY HOLIDAY SWEATER
Est. Price: $21 | Buy it at Amazon
Half Hanukkah. Half Christmas. All ugly. With this 100 percent polyester sweater, the left side tries to out-ugly the right side — but when it comes to painful aesthetics, it seems to be a draw. Both the Hanukkah and Christmas themes merge in the back for one, big interdenominational ugly fest.
AMERICAN RAG HOLIDAY SWEATER VEST
Est. Price: $24 | Buy it from Filene's Basement
In all its ribbed, V-neck glory, this gem from American Rag looks like misprinted Christmas wrapping paper made of cotton. The sweater seals the deal, however, with sequin accents — the ribbed knit hem and armholes don't hurt, either.
PLANET GOLD CHILLIN' WITH MY SNOWMIES
Est. Price: $14 | Buy it from Boohoo
Nothing makes an already-ugly holiday sweater even uglier than a cheesy play on words. This sweater features three cheery snowmen, who are, of course chilly and are therefore chillin'. If you butcher the word "snowmen" enough, it rhymes with "homies," so, that's what's happening here.
RUDE-DOLF UGLY CHRISTMAS SWEATER
Est. Price: $20 | Buy it from Walmart
Not only is this sweater warm and cozy, but it's ugly, irreverent and funny all at the same time. Made of 100 percent acrylic, the 3D front features Rudolph — just slightly different than the one you're used to. On this ugly sweater, everyone's favorite reindeer is beaten, bruised, and boozing.
FAUX REAL UGLY NOEL XMAS VEST
Est. Price: $16 | Buy it from Target
This Steve Urkel-Meets-Santa sweater vest comes complete with a green bowtie and quiltwork patches. A thick red collar unifies the entire ensemble of intensely colored Christmas imagery. Just in case the front isn't outrageous enough for you, the word "noel" is written in big letters on the back.
WEINER DOG WONDERLAND
Est. Price: $17 | Buy it from Target
Snowflakes. Weiner dogs in Santa costumes facing in opposite directions. The phrase "winter wonderland" stitched in light letters on a background with a shade so similar you have to squint to read the words. This polyester must-have showstopper can be yours for less than $20.
ELVES ON A LADDER SWEATER
Est. Price: $22 | Buy it from Amazon
Do high-strung elves teetering precariously on a ladder while recklessly decorating a tree sound like holiday fun to you? Luckily, someone decided to sew this scene onto the front of a sweater. This acrylic/cotton blend pullover features a crew neck, a barrel bottom and long sleeves.
UGLY 3D DOG CHRISTMAS SWEATER
Est. Price: $26 | Buy it at Amazon
Dogs are great and everyone loves Santa, but they don't necessarily go together — and this sweater is the proof. Santa should stick with reindeer, because this 3D dog on painfully cluttered background is too ugly for words.
LEISURE JACKET AND BOWTIE CHRISTMAS SWEATER
Est. Price: $19 | Buy it at Amazon
This offense to the eyes is designed to look like a sparklier version of Hugh Hefner's smoking jacket. Secured with christmas lights and garland, it comes complete with a faux bow tie and holly lapel brooch.
WOMEN'S VINTAGE PULLI SWEATER
Est. Price: $22 | Buy it from Amazon
Although it maintains the traditional red, white, and green color scheme, you can choose alternative colors — each of which are equally ugly. The long, knitted sweater, which comes complete with pockets, features ornaments stacked on top of royal penguins stacked on top of reindeer.
KIDS ELF SWEATER
Est. Price: $20 | Buy it from Target
Help your kids unleash their inner elves with this gloriously ugly elf costume sweater. The longsleeve crewneck pullover comes complete with distracting and unnecessary snowflake decorations on the sleeves.
NUTCRACKER APPLIQUE TUNIC SWEATER
Est. Price: $18 | Buy it at from Kohl's
This plus-size gem from Fashion Avenue features tan sweater sleeves, but only from the wrists to the forearms — and they have pompoms. So do the shoulders, although not same color. As if things weren't ugly enough, the front of the sweater is dominated by a nutcracker body that needs your head to be complete.
KIDS T-REX SWEATER
Est. Price: $18 | Buy it at Amazon
You might think that the most feared dinosaur in history, the tyrannosaurus rex, has nothing to do with Christmas, and it might not — until, that is, you throw a Santa hat on it. If you have a little Christmas lover who's also a dinosaur lover, this is the sweater of choice.
NAUGHTY HOODIE PULLOVER
Est. Price: $10 | Buy it from Amazon
If there's any question about who should be on the "nice list" and who shouldn't, this juniors hoodie featuring a suggestive, busty and leggy gift recipient should clear that up in an instant. The devil horns on the hood are a dead giveaway.
GROSS SHIRTLESS MAN SWEATER
Est. Price: $30 | Buy it from Amazon
Ugly nearly to the point of being offensive, this sweater makes whoever wears it look like a hairy, shirtless man who's never seen the inside of a gym. For good measure, creepy human hands clutch the belly, which is adorned with a belly button ring. The reverse side is at least as unflattering as the front.
KIDS UNICORN SWEATER
Est. Price: $30 | Buy it from Tipsy Elves
Unicorns are mythical, and once you see this kids Christmas sweater, you'd wish they were invisible, too. Black with twinkling stars, the sweater would be bad enough even if it didn't have a hideous, Christmas-colored unicorn on the front, which it does.
WOMEN'S VINTAGE CARDIGAN
Est. Price: $13 | Buy it from Amazon
This vintage cardigan is sort of like an Andy Warhol painting, but it's so ugly it must be the pattern on a hideous holiday sweater. This button-up vest features Santa, a reindeer, a bunny, a lamb and — for good measure — some random ugly penguins.
LIGHT UP SWEATER COSTUME
Est. Price: $28 | Buy it from Amazon
Just in case this hideous holiday sweater didn't draw enough attention, it lights up just to make sure every eye in the room is drawn to this polyester attention-grabber, which is adorned with candy canes and Christmas ornaments.
UGLY CHRISTMAS SWEATER WITH A TIE
Est. Price: $27 | Buy it at Walmart
If you're torn between dressing up in a shirt and tie this Christmas or going for broke with a ridiculous ugly sweater, you're in luck — the decision has already been made for you. Take the most awful shade of reddish-orange imaginable and attach a tie with a classic ugly holiday sweater print and you've got the perfect blend of dressy and dreadful.
MEN'S NINTENDO SUPER MARIO BROS HOLIDAY SWEATER
Est. Price: $26 | Buy it from Amazon
This 100 percent cotton shirt is an official Nintendo-licensed item. Who knew? Don this sweater and the front of your body becomes a screenshot from Mario's bid to save the princess.