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You probably think you’re an absolute peach when you dine out — and kudos if you are. But a lot of those little habits we swear are helpful or polite don’t always come off that way. In fact, some of the things we do with the best intentions actually make restaurant staff’s jobs harder.
Here are some supposedly polite things you do in restaurants that are actually rude.
You probably feel like it’s more efficient to just grab a table, especially at casual spots. But unless there's a sign that explicitly says "seat yourself," that’s a faux pas, and it throws off the restaurant’s entire game plan.
Your heart’s in the right place — you just want to tidy up, your mom would be proud. But you’re stepping into someone else’s workspace, and that is definitely setting off servers. Think about it this way — you wouldn’t wander into a cockpit and grab the controls to help the pilot land the plane. Clearing the table is part of a server’s job. They know exactly how to balance plates, glasses, and silverware so they can carry them off without making a crash or a mess. Interfering with that system slows them down more than it helps.
You probably mean well — you don’t want to burden the server with too much at once. But it’s much better to say, “Can I also have a water refill and some extra napkins?” all at once. Otherwise, you’re sending someone back and forth repeatedly. Industry pros will tell you bundling your requests is a small courtesy that saves them time and energy.
Snapping or shaking your glass to get attention is elitist and rude, there’s no way around it. There’s a long list of things servers appreciate. Snapping fingers or wildly waving at them isn’t on it. Even the most well-meaning wave can come off like you’re hailing a cab. A simple “excuse me” as they pass is plenty, and don’t worry they see you — they’re trained to scan the room for empty glasses and hungry eyes.
There’s friendly, and then there’s cornering someone who’s juggling five tables and making them listen to your vacation story. Servers have multiple guests and a kitchen timing game to manage. Sure, they appreciate genuine conversation, but they need to get moving. If they seem rushed, it’s not personal; they’re just trying to keep everyone happy without the kitchen torching your steak. Save the chit-chat for when they’re obviously free or you’ll slow down the entire dining room.
When a server launches into the specials, it’s not because they love hearing themselves talk — they’re sharing what’s good, fresh, or chef-recommended. Interrupting them with your order before they finish is just rude, you arenot saving time. You might also miss that one delicious item you’d never have noticed on the regular menu.
Just like with stacking plates, don’t try to help the server — the same way you wouldn’t help a dentist pull your own tooth. You mean well, but it’s actually demeaning to their job, and it’s dangerous too. They’re trained to balance a lot and have a system you really shouldn’t meddle with.
You probably want to come off as laid-back, not some high-maintenance diner. But telling a server “no rush” every time they swing by actually throws them off. They weren’t going to sprint back with your drinks anyway — that’s just their job.
Here are a few more things that you should never say to your server.