Don't Be a Scalawag: 16 Old-Timey Insults That Deserve a Comeback

You can only use the “F” word so many times before it loses its impact. This is also true of the terms we currently use to insult one another – they’re tired, worn-out, and years past their expiration dates. They’ve got to go.

To replace them, we should not look forward. Rather, we should look to the semi-distant past to inspire us. A century ago (or more), we used more colorful terms to abuse one another, and while these terms sometimes led to duels, at least they were creative. Here are some we need to bring back post haste.

A “coxcomb” is a vain, conceited man who spends more time admiring his own reflection in the mirror than engaging in an honest day’s work. Put down the eyebrow sculpting cream and get a job, you coxcomb!

A “scalawag” is a rascal, a rogue, someone who’s always up to no good. In the 1980s, people who returned rental videos to Blockbuster without rewinding them risked being called this.

Like scalawag, “rapscallion” denotes a mischievous person who’s a bit of a troublemaker. For example, a former presidential candidate and scion of an American political dynasty who left a dead bear cub in Central Park in 2014 as a joke could be called a rapscallion.

A “poltroon” is a coward — someone easily frightened who lacks the courage to stand up straight and tell everybody what’s what. So don’t be a poltroon! Tell everybody you loved season eight of “Game of Thrones.”

If you are an impudent or mischievous person, someone who behaves with a cheeky arrogance, congratulations: You are a “jackanape.” Make it extra annoying to others by rolling your eyes when you sass them.

A person who’s overly concerned with their looks and manners, often to an annoying degree, can be rightly termed a “popinjay.” If you think you might be a popinjay, please see our definition of “coxcomb” and act accordingly.

A “harridan” is a strict, bossy, belligerent old woman, and if your mind fills with images of nana in curlers, wielding a rolling pin, you nailed it! Do not run afoul of this nagging tyrant.

A “dastard” is a sneaky, underhanded coward who is always dishonorable in his actions, which should more rightly be described as misdeeds. From littering to arson, there is no act so distasteful the dastard won’t engage in it.

You know that one friend everyone has who’s a complete waste of time? An utterly worthless person, who’s lazy and has no discernible skills? It turns out that person is a “fustilarian,” a word whose similarity to “trustafarian” is hard to overlook.

Speaking of fustilarian, you know that one friend everyone has who’s incapable of strategic thought and makes lots of reckless decisions with no regard for the consequences for themselves or for you? That person is a “scapegrace,” and when they yell “YOLO,” be as far away from them as possible.

If you’ve ever been sent an offer to join a multilevel marketing scheme, look carefully at the name of the person who sent it to you. That person is a “mountebank,” meaning a charlatan or a fraud who’s specifically out to defraud you.

If you’ve ever worked in food service or retail, you have surely had the pleasure of some customer treating you like the scum of the earth. Whether the customer realizes it or not, that person is treating you like a “scullion,” otherwise known as a lowly servant who is utterly beneath them.

Stupid and annoying people can be described with the term “pillock,” but only under certain conditions. For example, is the person so stupid and annoying that they’re physically painful to talk to? If the answer is yes, then congratulations on your conversation with a pillock.

A “milksop” is a weak or cowardly man who is utterly lacking in any backbone or courage. If you encounter such a person, the correct approach to them 100 years ago was to grab them by the lapels, shake them, and say, “Good god, man, stop being such a milksop!”

“Canker-blossom” is a term for something or someone that causes decay or corruption, often used figuratively. It is a truly great and glorious term that’s way better than just describing someone as “toxic,” as it implies that the person in question is not just bad for your emotions but also might give you cooties.

A lickspittle is a person who fawns over others, especially someone in power, to gain favor; basically, a sycophant. The word was used to great effect by King Viserys I Targaryen on “House of the Dragon” when he got mad at his scalawag brother Daemon.