Cheapism; Jeff K./Yelp
Not everybody thinks of fast-food as the lowest end of the restaurant scene; in fact, some people have terrific experiences.
Are those people the ones we want speaking for us as a civilization? That remains to be seen, but take a look at these five hilarious fast-food reviews, all of which are absolutely glowing.
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There’s probably no greater achievement for a fast-food joint than the one this reviewer is handing out: “This place served what will be, until my dying day, the best Big Mac ever consumed or concocted in the history of mankind.”
Best Big Mac in the history of mankind! What an achievement. I’m jealous.
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Short and sweet is the name of the game on Yelp, and for KC B., this Manhattan McDonald’s delivered. “A truly exquisite Manhattan dining experience,” they write simply. Plus, the hot mustard sauce gets a shout-out, described as “out of this world.” You love to see it.
Some people have low standards, and that’s OK. Frank G. went to Taco Bell, and was just happy to see that “the employees were not birds.” I'd be absolutely thrilled about that as well, Frank G.
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Joe G. elected to write a poem about his White Castle experience, only some of which can be repeated here. We’ll drop you this beautiful couplet as an example of the poetry being spun in this review: “For a bite of that two and a half inch square/The meat melts in my mouth as do my cares.” The rest is, uh, a little too inappropriate for print; let’s just say you’d need to be in a "50 Shades of Grey" kind of mindset.
We’d all do well to hush up and listen to Sameer’s biscuits and gravy routine. “I like to glaze them in hot sauce in a bowl and forget about them til the middle of the night while I got a Swisher Sweet hangin' off my lip and I stumble into the kitchen with my doo rag on rapping to Wu-Tang Clan after lifting weights.”
Goals.
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