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As anyone who has gone down the Amazon rabbit hole can tell you, there are many, many things you can buy that you probably don't need. There are also products so useless, so silly, so downright stupid no one needs them — ever. Here are the 10 dumbest things we saw this week. Just, please, don't buy them. Or only buy them as gifts for people you don't really like.
$26 from Amazon
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Want to invite a first date over for dinner to see how quickly the evening ends in screams of terror? Then put this on your table. There is something uniquely horrible about this any time of the year beyond Halloween, but go ahead, put it on your table. The Ed Gein jokes are always funny (go ahead, Google him at your own risk).
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$6 from Amazon
Aren't these clever? Yes, you could provide people with napkins, but that's no fun! Instead, make sure your guests can master these teensy plastic chopsticks so they can eat chips without mussing up their precious iPads or whatever! This is clearly money and time well spent. Excuse me while I weep for humanity in general and gamers in particular.
$17 from Amazon
This is a gag gift, I guess, but seriously, do I need to explain why this is gross and not funny? Do I?
$15 from Amazon
So you want people to think what, exactly? That you have tiny portable toilets? That you drink urine? All I could think was that square glasses are harder to clean, and this is probably fun if your kids are doing construction on their doll house.
$15 from Amazon
This is a cute gift, until you realize you've just spent $15 on a mildly funny joke or an endlessly irritating children's toy.
$8 from Amazon
I don't love sponges all that much, and I really don't need to anthropomorphize them and tuck them into bed. This is just weird and implies the owner needs friends. Or more cats.
$21 from Amazon
Did you know pillows that look like realistic loaves of bread are a thing? There are tons of them online, and every picture is a little disconcerting.
$7 from Amazon
Need nightmare fuel? Scared of squirrels or hoping to make someone else frightened of them? This should do it.
$14 from Amazon
So, if you want people to think you have a beer gut you're happy to shove outside the bounds of your shirt for the whole world to enjoy, well, this creepy fanny pack has you covered. And, if this isn't enough, there's a pair of socks included that say "If you can read this" on one and "Bring me a cup of coffee" on the other. I can't stop laughing, can you?