10 Ordering Mistakes Even Starbucks Regulars Don't Know

If everyone got a good night’s sleep, there would be no Starbucks. Unfortunately, most of us don’t, and it’s our own darn fault. We stay up too late playing on our iPhones while we binge-watch “House of the Dragon” in the background. So the next morning, we need that coffee pretty badly.

While Starbucks gets tons of repeat business based on that, even those customers who go daily don’t know every rule of ordering etiquette. This means they will occasionally find themselves on the business end of a mistake they made by not ordering correctly. So please pay close attention to our list of ordering mistakes even Starbucks regulars don’t know they’re making, and heed its dire warnings.

If you want your Starbucks beverage decaffeinated, you’d better clearly say so right up front. Otherwise, your friendly barista will assume you want the caffeinated version of the drink you ordered, and Starbucks does not play around when it comes to the caffeine content of their drinks. So hold your head high and proclaim proudly that you want your order to be decaf unless you want to be up until 5 in the morning, climbing the walls while the rest of your household sleeps soundly.

In the early days of Starbucks’ dominance over the coffee market, new customers would venture inside and find themselves flummoxed by all the drink choices. These fine folk would become deeply frustrated and yell, “I just want a regular coffee!” What they mean is “drip coffee,” but often, the reflexive contrarian will refuse to suck it up and get with the program, leading to them demanding “regular coffee” even today. Listen, change is hard, but having a barista look at you like you’re crazy is harder. So say “drip coffee,” okay?

In our weight-obsessed culture, everyone wants to be skinny, but only some have the discipline for diet and exercise. Therefore, many hope they can achieve their weight-loss goals by consuming drinks advertised by Starbucks as “skinny.” These people are wrong. All that "skinny" means within the hallowed walls of Starbucks is that your drink contains neither nonfat milk nor whipped cream. That’s it. So, by all means, drink all the “skinny” beverages you want, but be aware that it doesn’t mean you can cancel your date with the treadmill.

If you’re ordering a latte, for example, at the house that Howard Schultz built, make sure you specify from the jump that you want it hot. Or cold. But whatever you want, you must specify the temperature. Ninety-nine percent of the time, the barista will ask you if you want it hot or cold, but do you really want to be in that 1 percent of Starbucks customers who scald their tongues on what they wrongly assume is a cold beverage?

This is the same principle that governs specifying what temperature you want for your beverage. Again, the barista will almost certainly ask what size you want, but if it’s 8:59 in the morning and the place is jam-packed with fellow bleary-eyed customers seeking caffeine, there may not be the time or opportunity for that. So make sure you specify that you want the super mega triple size if that’s what you want, lest you exit the store with a cup the size of a shot glass.

Starbucks sells a lot more than just coffee. They have pastries! They have fruit/egg/peanut-butter dealies encased in plastic! They even have bottled water! However, don’t assume their wide selection means they have everything, or even most things. They have a diverse array of snacks that pair well with coffee, but they don’t have pizza, Chinese food, tacos, or Big Macs. So don’t ask!

It’s easy to confuse macchiato with mocha. It’s even easier to do that when you haven’t had enough caffeine and easier still if you haven’t read the product descriptions. Embrace journalistic principles by doing your due diligence prior to entering the Starbucks franchise so you know what you’re ordering and do not errantly ask for something that sounds similar. Otherwise, you’ll be embroiled in a whole “affect” vs. “effect” situation, and who needs that?

A lot of people who patronize Starbucks regularly don’t use their app, preferring to pay with cash or cards instead. Maybe they’re afraid of commitment. Regardless, if you’re a regular, it’s worth downloading the app to your phone and using it because it will automatically know what rewards and discounts you’re eligible for, even if you don’t. Once you’ve used it a few times, you’ll see what you’ve been missing, even if all you’ve been missing is a 50-cent discount or an opportunity to upsize your drink. Should you fail to follow this course of action, FOMO may ensue.

A surefire way to make your barista hate you is by ordering an “expresso” instead of an “espresso.” Yes, it’s a simple mistake that’s easily corrected and not worth getting bent out of shape about, but trust us on this one – the baristas have the word “expresso” flung at them multiple times a day, and it drives them nuts, especially if they’ve already corrected you in the past. They are unlikely to take vengeance since they need that paycheck, but know that they will say horrible things about you mispronouncing it the second the door closes behind you.

If you have allergies, you’re probably already pretty on top of the fact that you need to make sure ahead of time that you can eat that muffin. Still, it’s relatively common for people with allergies to forget to ask what’s in that muffin occasionally. Nut products? Lactose? If you have allergies and patronize Starbucks, don’t assume it will be safe if you don’t say anything. Say it loud and proud, unless you enjoy stabbing your thigh with an EpiPen while you’re in an ambulance.

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