Step Aside, Please: 15 Places You Should Never Stand

Life is an ongoing game of “Dodge the Obstacle,” but never more so than if you live in or visit an urban area. You must navigate around people’s dogs, their children, and the occasional bus coming right at you. And let’s not even get started on bicycle messengers.

Often, the most significant physical obstacles we face are our fellow human beings, who have a tragic propensity for just plopping themselves in front of any place that requires unobstructed access. As an act of love, we offer you this handy list of 15 places to stop standing.

For some people, walking up a flight of stairs is a backbreaking chore that saps their entire will and requires a full minute of inactivity once completed. 

This must apply to walking down the stairs, too, since in both cases, many people just stop moving and occupy the top or bottom landing. If this is you, you’re blocking people, so please stop doing it. (Unless, of course, you have a health condition or disability, in which case, take your time.)

Two friends (or four) strolling side-by-side on a narrow sidewalk, leaving zero room for anyone to pass? We hate it, hate it, hate it. 

Even worse is when they suddenly stop to chat, forcing everyone behind them to squeeze around awkwardly. This is a worse crime than mixing chocolate and beer.

There’s always that one person who thinks it’s a great idea to stand directly in front of the elevator door while waiting for the conveyance, and after they step off of it, they completely block anyone else from getting on or off. Remember, it’s their world, and it’s our job to contort ourselves and bend over backward to accommodate it.

Instead of crossing the street when they’re supposed to, some geniuses like to hang out in the middle of the crosswalk, staring at their phones, not realizing (or caring) that the light is about to change. Normally, we say people should avoid bullying strangers, but in this case, we’ll make an exception and suggest making their lives completely miserable until they get the hint.

Stopping in the middle of a grocery aisle to examine every single item on the shelf while their cart takes up the rest of the space is the classic human obstruction move. Listen, we know the list of ingredients on a jar of Ragu is fascinating, but everyone else trying to shop is stuck there, waiting or trying to squeeze by. Stop interfering with the flow of commerce!

If you’re waiting for a bus, stand at the bus stop like you’re supposed to. If you’re just loitering at the bus stop, then we have a problem since you shouldn’t be standing there, and you’re probably making the people waiting for the bus think you’re waiting for it, too, which you are not. Also, people who are waiting for the bus tend to gather in a disorganized way that takes up the entire sidewalk, so stop doing that, too.

If you’re close enough to a public restroom entrance that you’re blocking it, then you should probably be aware that you’re not only causing an obstruction, but you may appear to some as a pervert who likes to watch strangers go to the bathroom. That characterization may be inaccurate, but it should be enough reason for you to stand further away.

As in the case of stairs (see example #1), we encourage you to embrace the idea of not standing in front of escalator landings either. There’s an entire line of people being funneled right behind you, and your insistence on standing in front of it like a moron will result in a human pile-up behind you. Avoid class action lawsuits by avoiding this behavior.

We know your 3:00 coffee run for the entire office consists of many complicated orders for many people, and it may take you a moment to get everything organized. It happens to the best of us. This is why we must ask you to conclude your business at the counter as expeditiously as possible and get moving. How many napkins and balsa wood stirrers do you really need?

There’s no organized way to stand on a subway platform, but there are things you can do to make everyone’s lives a little easier while you’re there. For example, when the train finally pulls into the station, please don’t stand in front of the door, waiting for it to open because you’re blocking people who are trying to get out or, worse yet, change to another train that’s across the platform and threatens to pull away at any second. You don’t want to be the person who makes another person miss their train — heads have rolled for less.

Bike lanes are a great idea – finally, bicycles have a place to be that is neither street nor sidewalk, so everyone should be able to do their thing unobstructed, right? WRONG. Bike lanes have become the new place for oblivious pedestrians to stand while they wander off the sidewalk, waiting for the light to change. They don’t acknowledge when an approaching bicycle signals at them with a dinky little bell, so we recommend that cyclists warn pedestrians of their rapid advance by hurling abusive insults at them at the top of their lungs. It works.

Getting cash from an ATM is a potentially anxiety-provoking experience. There you are, with your back to the rest of the world, pulling out crisp new currency for every potential thief to see. This is why you must stand a respectful 6 feet (at least) away from anyone conducting their business at the machine, lest they think you’re up to something and pepper spray you, which you would deserve for your insouciance. Do everyone a favor, and wait your turn from a respectful distance.

People love to stop right after they exit a store, often to check their phones, adjust their bags, or engage in otherwise innocent behavior that has the effect of preventing other consumers from entering or exiting the store. Why do you want to destroy capitalism when you can just move a couple of feet to the right?

Apparently, many city dwellers saw “I Am Legend” too many times and believe they, too, are the only people left in whatever great city they happen to inhabit. The small median islands in the middle of crosswalks seem like perfect places for them to stand since nobody else exists, not even the dozens of people trying to push past them and cross the street.

Hey, we all move at a very leisurely clip when we’re getting some R&R at the beach. The combination of sunshine, warm weather, and, in some cases, perhaps too much beer will just slow you down. Having said that, there’s always someone who decides that the narrow beach walkway is the perfect spot to stop and take a phone call, completely unaware that a whole line of people is trying to get through.