DIET-BUSTERS ON A BUN
PERKINS: THE BREAKFAST BURGER
The Breakfast Burger isn't quite the biggest calorie bomb on Perkins' burger menu. But it may well be the hardest to resist at this morning mecca, since it's topped with hash browns, maple bacon, cheddar cheese, and a fried egg.
MCDONALD'S: DOUBLE BACON SMOKEHOUSE BURGER
McDonald's most diet-busting burger looks tame in comparison to the rest of this list, but it's no less a contender. Your quarter-pound patty will be topped with sharp white cheddar, smoked bacon, fried onion strings, sweet mustard, and a decadent-sounding smoky bacon-onion sauce.
OUTBACK: THE BLOOMIN' BURGER
If you just can't get enough of Outback's famous Bloomin' Onion, you can get it on a bun, too. Your burger will come topped with onion petals, cheese, lettuce, tomato, and Outback's "spicy signature bloom sauce."
FRISCH'S BIG BOY: SUPER BIG BOY
A double-decker bun and a big dollop of tartar sauce crank up the calorie count on this otherwise simple half-pounder with cheese, lettuce, and pickles. Watch the sides at Frisch's: Your two choices could easily add 500 calories or more to this already hefty plate.
RED ROBIN: SOUTHERN CHARM BURGER
We reckon you'll need quite an appetite to plow through Red Robin's Southern Charm Burger. It's made with a half-pound of brown-sugar-glazed beef that's slathered in honey barbecue sauce, then topped with candied bacon, caramelized onions, mayo, and extra-sharp cheddar.
MIMI'S CAFÉ: THE FRENCH QUARTER
A calorie-laden burger has never seemed so cultured. Mimi's serves its French Quarter burger on grilled garlic-parmesan sourdough, topping it with avocado, Swiss cheese, bacon, lettuce, tomatoes, onions, pickles, and Thousand Island dressing.
BJ'S BREWHOUSE: HICKORY BRISKET AND BACON BURGER
As its name suggests, BJ's Hickory Brisket and Bacon Burger features a heap of smoked brisket, barbecue sauce, and bacon atop the beef patty. But don't forget the mayo and two types of cheese, pepper jack and cheddar, to round out your indulgence.
HARDEE'S: MONSTER THICKBURGER
At Hardee's, the only thing more extreme than the racy commercials is the burgers. Case in point: the Monster Thickburger, with two 1/3-pound patties, two slices of smoked bacon, cheese, and mayo. Go for the gold and make it a 1-pounder by adding another patty (and another 290 calories).
APPLEBEE'S: QUESADILLA BURGER
If you're "eatin' good in the neighborhood" tonight, beware of this Mexican-American mashup. The Quesadilla Burger is served up on a tortilla stuffed with beef, pepper jack cheese, smoked bacon, pico de gallo, lettuce, and Mexi-ranch sauce. Adding fries brings you to 1,770 calories — and perilously close to the 2,000-calorie daily recommendation for most people.
LOGAN'S ROADHOUSE: FRIED CHEESE AND BACON BURGER
A Logan's specialty, the Fried Cheese and Bacon Burger unabashedly tops your beef patty with a hot disc of fried cheese, smoked bacon, Thousand Island dressing, and some extraneous healthy stuff like lettuce, tomato, and onions.
BEEF O'BRADY'S: OMG BURGER
Beef O'Brady's OMG Burger keeps it simple, but in large quantities. You'll get a ¾-pound Angus patty, four slices of American cheese, four slices of smoked bacon, lettuce, and tomato piled onto your bun.
BURGER KING: RODEO KING
Clocking it at almost 1,500 calories, the Rodeo King is among the most over-the-top fast-food burgers. It's not exactly road food you can easily eat on the go, as you'll get more than a half-pound of beef, three half-strips of smoked bacon, onion rings, barbecue sauce, mayo, and cheese piled onto a sesame-seed bun.
FRIENDLY'S: SRIRACHA BIG BEEF CHEESEBURGER
"Feel the burn!" Friendly's says of this half-pounder. Consider that your reminder to grab some antacids before tearing into the chain's the most indulgent burger, which is doused in smoky sriracha sauce and topped off with fried onions.
BUFFALO WILD WINGS: CHEESE CURD BACON BURGER
Some evil genius at Buffalo Wild Wings decided that you can never have too much of a good thing, topping this massive cheeseburger with Wisconsin cheese curds in all of their fried glory. Rounding out your heart attack: bacon and a dollop of "cool heat sauce."
CHILI'S: THE BOSS BEEF BURGER
One look at the gut-busting Boss Beef Burger – "the burger all other burgers report to" – and you'll be frantically searching your purse for some Pepto. It features smoked brisket, rib meat, jalapeno-cheddar smoked sausage, bacon, cheddar cheese, barbecue sauce, and homemade ranch.
HOOTERS: BIG HOOTIE BURGER
Hooters might be famous for its wings (and certain other things), but it has its own slate of outrageous burgers. The king of 'em all is the simple but massive Big Hootie, which serves up not one but two half-pound patties on a toasted brioche bun with lettuce, tomato, onions, and cheese.
THE CHEESECAKE FACTORY: THE FACTORY BURGER
Interestingly, there aren't any exotic toppings on the Factory Burger to push the calorie count so high. But the fact that it's big enough to require an entire loaf of sourdough bread in place of a bun tells you all you really need to know.
DAVE AND BUSTER'S: BUFFALO WING BURGER
If you can't decide between a burger and wings, now you don't have to. With the Buffalo Wing Burger, Dave and Buster's has topped an already-massive angus-blend patty with chicken tenders tossed in buffalo sauce, then added blue cheese and onion straws. There's also celery, so this totally counts as health food, right?
PIZZERIA UNO: THE WHOLE HOG
Shield your eyes, nutritionists. The Whole Hog burger features four different kinds of meat — ground beef, sausage, bacon, and pepperoni — for more than a pound in total. There are also three cheeses, pickles, and a generous dollop of garlic mayo. Add fries and you're taking in close to 3,600 calories in a single meal, not to mention more than 250 grams of fat.