Cheapism
Leading up to the holiday season, everyone is buried in advertisements and messages plugging things to buy. To make their ads cut through the overflow, brands are willing to pay celebrities big time to shill their stuff (and some celebrities have their own stuff to sell, thankyouverymuch) — and not all of it is worth the money. Here are some of the worst gifts celebrities are willing to endorse — but aren’t worth your money.
Celebrity: Chrissy Teigen
A 500-piece puzzle isn’t a bad idea for an easy stocking stuffer — but you can decide among a variety of fun patterns for $15 at Target. Teigen's junk-food design isn’t worth the extra money, even if it does come with “tools and glue” to preserve it after you’ve put it together. We’re guessing shoving it into a drawer is really the better decision.
Related: Celebrities With Brands That Cater to the Common Folks
Celebrity | Gwyneth Paltrow
Paltrow’s Goop business yet again makes something that looks ho-hum incredibly expensive. To wit: the Sweatshirt Dress. A somewhat schlubby item that can be bought in a multitude of colors on Amazon for $30 is, in Goop’s hands, a luxury item. While the Goop version is mostly cotton and made in Italy, whether that’s worth $425 is up to you.
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Celebrity: Nicole Miller
The fashion designer has said that she plans to hand out this recycled wood platter as a gift this year “along with a bottle of my rosé to make hosting this holiday a little easier.” Sure, some people will think she picked up this Brooklyn-made cheese platter at a thrift store, but maybe that will make it easier to shove it in the back of the cabinet where random gifts you don’t ever use tend to go. Success!
Related: Gifts Under $25 for Food Lovers
Celebrity: Oprah Winfrey
This underwhelming backpack is made from antibacterial material, which is admittedly pretty cool. But you know what else kills bacteria? Throwing your bag in the wash.
Related: The Best Gifts for the Germaphobes and Clean Freaks in Your Life
Celebrity: Guy Fieri
Love “Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives”? Know someone who wants to take a one-way trip to Flavortown? Then they might like this cheap-looking ceramic mug with a creepy photo of the celebrity chef wearing a Santa hat. Sure, they might think you spent $3 at the gas station to get it, but you can be comforted knowing you shelled out $15 for this hunk of junk.
Related: Heartfelt and Hilarious Personalized Gifts for Everyone on Your List
Celebrity: Gwyneth Paltrow
Admittedly, this is on Goop’s Ridiculous but Awesome Gift Guide, but $36,400 for a pastel playground? C’mon, it doesn’t even have a decent slide.
Celebrity: Kim Kardashian West
Well, this is nifty — a jump rope that counts your jumps and calories burned! It would seem like a great gift if jump ropes with the same ability run under $15 on Amazon. Of course, this rope has some upgrades, such as ball bearings and a micro-USB charging cable, but we suspect the plug by Kardashian West is what really hits your pocketbook if you buy this one.
Related: Gifts for Women Who Love to Work Out
Celebrity: Oprah Winfrey
Many people could be forgiven for thinking a pasta maker is a good investment. They would be dead wrong. Yeah, it’s all fun until you realize this adds to the time you need to make dinner (you still have to boil the stuff), plus you can buy most bags of pasta for less than a dollar.
Celebrity: Gwyneth Paltrow
Do we have to explain why we do not want to smell this? Ever? Or give it to someone we actually like? And let’s face it — $75 is a bit far to go for a joke.
Celebrity: Reese Witherspoon
What would Dolly do? She would not pay this much for a basic-looking sweatshirt, that’s what.
Related: Thoughtful, Funny, and Creative Gifts for Your Girlfriend
Celebrity: Victoria Beckham
We can’t slag Posh Spice, who has become a legitimate designer in the high-end fashion world — but we aren’t big fans of this hat. Sure, it’s made of 100% wool for maximum itchiness, but you can get a pom pom hat that’s just as cute (and with a lining) for $30 at L.L. Bean. It may lack the “subtle ’90s aesthetic,” but we suspect it’s a better investment.
Celebrity: Gwyneth Paltrow
We get it. You’re the gift, so you use the red silk bow’s hook-and-eye closures to attach this to your garter or panties. But we’re betting you could use a stick-on bow that comes in a bag of 10 that rings up for less than two bucks each and get the same effect.
Celebrity: Reese Witherspoon
We are not sure what universe you’d have to live in to think shelling out $80 for a polyester headband is a good idea, but we don’t live there. Get a two-pack of headbands (complete with twist) for $11 at Walmart instead.
Celebrity: Kendall Jenner
Weighted blankets have been a trend for years now, so it’s a pretty good guess that anyone who wants one has gotten one — and likely for less than $179. Want a 15 lb. weighted blanket that also has glass beads? This one at Target is just $25. Sure, you won’t be able to say it’s the same one that Kendall Jenner likes, but we’re not 100% convinced she really uses it anyway.
Celebrity: Oprah Winfrey
These cloth face masks have an origami design, which theoretically keeps them from sticking to your face (is that really a problem?). Try this eight pack for less than half the price.
Celebrity: Sia
Want to look like you’re wearing a blanket in public? Then this is the very, very expensive look for you, as designed by the singer Sia — and it really is based on a blanket she once loved. While it’s not flattering, apparently some people think it’s worth every penny — it’s currently sold out, though you can get on the waitlist if you’re so inclined.
Related: The Best Cold-Weather Gear on Amazon
Celebrity: Gwyneth Paltrow
Ah, Goop, our reliable source for stuff no one really needs. This meditation mat is filled with seven types of gemstones — amethyst, sodalite, blue lace agate, green aventurine, yellow aventurine, carnelian, and red jasper. Besides looking pretty, the stones heat up to create a hot stone surface to ease tension, which might be high because of your massive credit card bill from buying stuff like this. Really need to get the kinks out? This acupressure mat will set you back less than $20.
Celebrity: Jessica Alba
Amazon asks celebrities each year to share a shoppable Christmas list with users, and this year Honest Company founder and sometime actress Alba contributed her must-haves. While most of her choices were well within the range of attainable, mixed in with her array of soy candles and silk camisoles was this head-scratcher. Unless this curling iron actually curls your hair for you and gets you a cappuccino, pretty sure most people will happily make do with one that’s under $30, thankyouverymuch.
