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If you lived through the 1980s and 1990s, then you absolutely experienced life in a house full of dusty figurine displays. Boomers loved to buy these tiny statues, and fell for the marketing that they were somehow “collectible” pretty hard.
Despite the money that was spent on them, they’re mostly worthless now, and fill up landfills when younger generations don’t want to deal with the clutter.
These were the most common figurines that collected dust.
These dull, pastel porcelain figurines of cartoonish children were meant to pull at the heartstrings of Boomers, and pull they did. There’s lots of religious undertones in these, and a hefty dose of sappy, saccharine sweetness. Somehow, the company is still in business, and selling these things for upwards of $160, which is mindblowing.
If you had a Lladro figurine in your house, you were fancy. And considering how much these sleek, shiny little sculptures sold for, it also doubled as a way to flaunt your money. The Spanish company is still selling figurines, and there’s a category for "Under $600” gifts, so this is still pretty out of reach for most people.
Cherished Teddies are an example of taking one gimmick and doing it to death. “Teddy bears are cute, so let's dress them up and put them in 1,000 different situational figurines!” You better believe Boomer moms had at least one Cherished Teddies figure for every major holiday.
Snowbabies are figurines of toddler-like children that are caught up in all kinds of snow- and winter-related hijinx. There’s practically no color on these things, and the little pellets of ‘snow’ break off in the boxes. The only redeeming quality is that they sometimes include adorable penguins and polar bears. My grandma bought these for me when I was a kid, presumably because she thought they’d be a nest egg for me one day. Spoiler alert: They are not.
These German figurines of — what else! — children were always in fancy glass cabinets to keep prying fingers from poking at them, or something. They’re still making them, and some of them are “limited editions” that sell for $1,500(!). There’s even a stripmall museum dedicated to Hummels in suburban Chicago, which frankly looks like some nightmare fuel.
These figurines from Enesco are really the perfect grift. Suck parents into buying them for their daughter’s first birthday, and then they’ll feel like they just haveto complete the set and eventually buy all 16 of them. They’re weird, creepy, the kids you’re giving them to don’t care about them one bit, and you bet my set is probably still in my mom’s basement.
Remember that painting of two unimpressed cherubs that magically appeared in every bathroom in the 1990s? Dreamsicles are the figurine version of that unfortunate trend. They’re weird little cherubs with massive eyes and potpourri crowns. Like the terribly reproduced Rafael painting, these were most at home next to the air freshener on top of the toilet tank.
Was there a feud between Cherished Teddies moms and Boyd’s Bears moms? I’d like to think there was, and the Boyd’s Boomers were definitely the scrappier of the two. They were essentially the same thing, but Boyd’s bears looked like they had seen some stuff in their day.