Craigslist has always been one of the more curious corners of the internet, with free classifieds covering just about any want or need from apartments to used furniture to pets. It remains one of the best places to unload stuff online, but as anyone browsing its ads for long knows, it's also home to some of the most bizarre items and services that can be found anywhere.
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Each presidential election sees folks on the losing side threatening to move to Canada, and the latest was no exception. One enterprising soul decided to use Craigslist to offer lessons for "Americans planning to convert to Canadianism" including helpful tips on how to pronounce "sorry," winter survival, and all-important menu highlights from Tim Horton's. All this for $30 an hour (Canadian dollars, of course). Sounds like a deal, eh?
There's no need for more meandering trips through Amish country once you've got 40 life-size wax Amish figures (and a dog). Once part of a barn-raising scene at Pennsylvania's Lancaster County Wax Museum, the admittedly creepy figures sat for a long time in storage before being listed.
Want a free sailboat? Cool — just come get it out of this guy's pool. "Grandpa was a sailor, missed the open water and so he hired a crane to drop a sailboat in his swimming pool," the ad reads. Sure, there's no trailer, boom, sails, or rigging, but free is free. (Just don't damage the landscaping when you get it.)
People collect some strange things — including more than 1,000 Polar Pop cups that eventually found a home with an enterprising group of teens. The cups' owner, who posted the Craigslist ad at the behest of a boss annoyed at her growing collection, was as shocked as anyone: "I really didn't think anyone honestly was going to take them," she said.
Love 'em or hate 'em, Ugg boots have become a wardrobe staple of a certain latte-loving, legging-wearing demographic. So we hope someone was genuinely thrilled to snap up this inexplicably large Ugg boot from its beleaguered owner. "Fear not, this boot is both stylish and versatile," the ad extolled. "Maybe your cat needs a basic cat house. You can mount it on your roof as a beacon to show your home is a sanctuary for all those who love pink."
Ever find a chip that looks like Mickey Mouse, or a cornflake that resembles Elvis? Consider setting it aside, because you never know what it might fetch on Craigslist. Someone tried to hawk their heart-shaped potato to Valentine's Day sweethearts. "How perfect would it be to serve your sweetie a baked potato with an engagement ring stuck in the top!" the seller enthused. "Found this potato in a 5-pound bag and didn't have the 'heart' to eat it." Touché.
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The only thing creepier than an Elf on the Shelf? A grown man pretending to be Elf on the Shelf. "For $100/hour I will come to your holiday party dressed as the Elf on the Shelf and sit in any location you assign me while I stare emptily at your guests for the duration of the event," he wrote. The ad attracted attention from media outlets, but the Elf, possibly in pain from sitting on the mantel for too long, did not respond.
File this one firmly under "Huh?" Someone tried to add a little luxury to their loo by getting a resin toilet seat filled with dollars and coins. The ad offers little in the way of explanation, but we hope the seller at least got what he or she put into the seat (and by that we mean the cash).
It's the stuff of every 6-year-old's dreams: A rideable 12-foot T-Rex skeleton that can cruise along at up to 15 mph. "This wonderful rideable dinosaur, this fulfillment of my childhood dreams, needs to go to someone who likes being the center of attention," the seller explained. "I'd be happy to offer dino riding lessons to prospective buyers. Please don't call just for joy rides."
Geo Trackers weren't exactly known for their blazing speed, which makes this Craigslist ad for a Tracker Batmobile that much more ridiculous. "It took a lot of time and manpower to create this car, over a year making it. Could never get paid enough for all the hard work and time it took," the seller wrote. Our favorite part? The gas tank, which proclaims "BAT GAS ONLY."
We love toast as much as the next guy, but a toaster chair takes a special level of devotion. This homemade creation even had a working lever and turned red inside. "It's not super comfortable to sit on," the creator admitted of the aluminum masterpiece. "More of a novelty. I'm moving and need to get it off my hands." Our only question is whether there's a bacon couch out there to go with it.
The true purpose of Stonehenge remains the subject of debate, so it's only fitting that a life-size replica Stonehenge would pop up on Craigslist with absolutely zero accompanying information. "Why are you even questioning if this is possible to have?" the ad implored. "It's free!"
A heart-shaped potato has a certain innocent appeal, but for the rest of us, there's the butt pumpkin. Not sure what to do with a pumpkin shaped like a posterior? "You can hold it up to your butt in pictures and it looks like you have a pumpkin for a butt," the ad suggested. The cheeky gourd was offered for free.
Most people agree it's kind of gross to trim your nails in public, but if there's a social stigma surrounding dressing like a giant nail clipper, no one told this guy. The mostly cardboard and foil costume "won't win the costume contest," the maker admitted. "Women won't flock to you. Well, they might, but it's more likely they'll say things like, 'What are you? What made you think of that? You're dumb." And, for the final hard sell: "Come get this thing. I spend way too much time building nonsense, and you are being rewarded." We'll be right over.
Related: 27 Cheap and Clever DIY Costumes for Adults and Kids
Here's proof that the free-range chicken trend has gone too far: chicken diapers. Yes, that's right: When backyard chickens or ducks decide life is nicer indoors, there are diapers in custom colors, patterns, and sizes to keep them from fouling — or fowling — the home. Apparently the diapers can also double as dresses for the fashion-loving chicken.
Thanks to Craigslist, we know an avocado car used to cruise New York City, delivering sandwiches. Built on a Fiat chassis, the "car is all custom," and though it looks like it hasn't "rotted" quite yet, one of the headlights has seen better days. "Want to sell ASAP, need money for 2014 Kiwi," the seller deadpanned.
Related: 25 Ugly Cars That Should Have Never Left the Assembly Line
The only thing that might be more uncomfortable than an aluminum chair made to resemble a toaster? A stone sofa — but hey, it's weatherproof, the ad pointed out. "You'll never have to worry about spills, or stains for that matter. Because it cleans itself ... out in the rain!" Of course, any takers were warned that they had to move their new outdoor furniture themselves: "It weighs a ton (actually maybe two)."
What better place to unload a dusty ghost town? Seneca, a former gold-mining outpost, is more than a remote corner of California. It includes 10 acres, a few cabins, and a bar with a liquor license ("and there aren't many liquor licenses in this county"). The ad was effective in stirring up interest, and the property eventually attracted four bidders at auction.
Zoinks! Where else but Craigslist could you buy the Mystery Machine? It was really just a painted '05 Chevy cargo van, but the paint job made it a major head-turner, the seller said: "You will need to start carrying an ice chipper around to scrape the ladies off your ride (which shouldn't be a problem, because this van as plenty of room for tools!)" Plenty of room for Scooby snacks, too.
There are plenty of high-tech rice makers out there, but that didn't stop one intrepid soul from creating a rice-making robot that, for some reason, took commands from social media. "You send a tweet to the robot and it cooks rice accordingly," the ad read. "It will tweet you back when the rice is ready." No word on a Facebook-compatible model.