I was ready for the nausea, the food poisoning, and the gagging as I ate. The pizza at 7-Eleven was a terrifying gastronomic challenge, but I was up to the task.
Also, the jokes seemed to write themselves: "This is the pizza you want when recovering from Covid-19 and you still have no sense of taste," "You won't even want to eat this hungover," "That's when you actually think Waffle House is good food." And then there are the 7-Eleven pizza "yo mamma" jokes. I'm working on those.
Still, I had seen the sad, dry pies withering under the heating lamps at check-out when I got my kids Slurpees and bought the occasional lottery ticket. I had reason to be afraid, very afraid.
At first, I thought I was stuck buying the withering pizza at the counter, but exploring the store revealed that various pizzas were uncooked and waiting to be snagged. Granted, meat and meatier were the choices, but hey, they were choices.
There were two good things about the uncooked pizzas. One, they looked like any uncooked pizza in a grocery refrigerator or freezer case, which I considered a win. Two, the price for a whole pizza is $9. Oh, and let me tack on three: I didn't have to eat the sad dried-up pizza next to the register.
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While I was ready just to drag the uncooked pizza home and pop it in the oven, the kind 7-Eleven workers just looked at me oddly before saying they could cook it there. I am grateful they did not tag on, "you dummy," which was nice of them.
You can also order pizza to be delivered through 7-Eleven's 7NOW delivery app or really any food delivery service. And you can get a hot pizza at 7-Eleven using an EBT card if you have one. But if this pizza is horrible, hot and ready will make no difference. And the jokes will come fast and furious.
@joanielovesjoanie13 Hot pizza with Food stamps at 711 #foodstamps #ebtcard #fyp #lowincome #711 #711pizza #workingmom #momswhowork #breakthestigma #pizza #foodtok #foodtiktok #foodie ♬ Naughty - AJ Smith
When I got the pizza home, it honestly looked better than I expected. In fact, it looked ... good. The crust looked crispy and not in the sad, cardboard way I expected. There was a plethora of pepperoni, which I expected seeing the uncooked version, but it was still impressive. The cheese looked like cheese and not artificially created goop. Could 7-Eleven pizza not be disgusting?
What does 7-Eleven pizza taste like?
While my husband sniffed, "The pizza sauce tastes the way 7-Eleven smells." I wasn't so judgmental. I've eaten Little Caesars without complaint. And this was pretty comparable. The sauce admittedly wasn't great and tasted flat and desperately in need of some oregano, but it was edible. The cheese tasted like actual mozzarella cheese, which the 7-Eleven website trumpets as 100% whole milk real mozzarella. The crust was thicker than I like but it tasted fine. The 7-Eleven pizza was pretty okay, no joke.
Is 7-Eleven pizza good?
As far as what the internet thinks, opinions varied. A lot. The Hungry Foodie on TikTok proclaimed 7-Eleven pizza better than Costco and gave it an 8.5 out of 10, while Hugefatloser calls 7-Eleven pizza absolute trash, plain and simple. One Redditor, r/chrispdx started a thread suggesting his unpopular opinion was that 7-Eleven pizza was good. Reactions were, admittedly, mixed.
My verdict is somewhere between the two extremes. This pizza wasn't something I'll go out of my way to order in the future, and even bad New York pizza outshines it, but it wasn't bad. The high end of meh about sums it up. All my pizza jokes will have to wait for something like a Chuck E. Cheese review.
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