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Amazon

Useless Things You’ll Want

Amazon is dangerous when it comes to clicking “Buy Now” on captivating yet pointless items. But sometimes, there are things that are just so strange you have to try it for yourself. These are some of the weirdest items on Amazon that you’ll want to add to your cart.

Amazon

1. Accouterments Handerpants

$13 from Amazon
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The funniest thing about these underpants for your hands might be their description: “Hundreds of uses! Stylish for any occasion." Maybe not all occasions though — they’re probably not appropriate for a nice dinner out or, say, a job interview. However, one reviewer says they help with sweaty hands, which indeed does seem useful.

Amazon

2. Emotional Support Fries

$15 from Amazon
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Trying to cut back on junk food? How about cuddling your french fries instead of eating them? Yeah, that wouldn’t work as a substitute for our food cravings either. They’re a cute decoration for someone who is into french fries, though.

Amazon

3. Instant Underpants

$7 from Amazon
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Maybe you have limited packing space; maybe you have incontinence. Either way, this tiny hockey puck-sized disc expands into a full-size pair of underwear when submerged in water. The main problem is the water part — what do you do when you need this fresh pair of undies but they’re soaking wet?

Amazon

4. Squirrel Finger Puppet Set

$6 from Amazon
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Squirrel lovers on Amazon highly rate these random finger puppets. But what could one possibly need them for? Our best guess is that they would be great fun for playing with a pet cat.

Amazon

5. Gear Shift Hoodie Cover

$8 from Amazon
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Freezing fingers when driving in cold weather are no fun, but did you ever think of your gear shift needing a sweatshirt too? But really, anyone who wears hoodies nonstop might find this to be a funny gag gift. One reviewer says it helps protect their gear shift, but we’re not sure from what.

Amazon

6. People of Walmart Adult Coloring Book

$12 from Amazon
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Going into any Walmart is a study in people watching, and usually provides highly entertaining viewing. This coloring book is perfect for anyone who can’t get enough of the weirdness of humanity.

Amazon

7. Sunny the Blobfish

$10 from Amazon
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This rubber blob is part fish, part human nose and 100% strange. There’s no prescribed use for it, but the description says it’s the perfect addition to your fall decorations. Let’s hope that means Halloween decor.

Amazon

8. Holding Hands Socks

$10 from Amazon
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Do you always lose a sock when doing laundry? These silly socks may be the answer. They have a magnet that attaches them together when they touch. These can also be worn to attach yourself to your friends, if that sounds fun to you.

Amazon

9. Lobster Slippers

$13 and up from Amazon
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If Crocs are just too basic for you, lobster slides are sure to grab your attention. Reviewers say they are surprisingly comfortable and practical. Practical for your next lobster bake, maybe.

Amazon

10. Pickle Flavored Toothpaste

$10 from Amazon
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Who wants minty breath anyway? This toothpaste cleans teeth and leaves breath smelling fresh as a pickle. Also a great idea if you really don’t want someone to get too close to you.

Amazon

11. Chicken Egg Nightlight

$20 from Amazon
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This odd nightlight aims to answer the question of what wakes you up first, the chicken or the egg? An illuminated egg glows from a chicken’s behind in this lamp, where again, the description of the product is particularly odd: “Especially suitable for those people who are afraid of the dark.”

Amazon

12. Fish Cracker Bowl Scented Candle

$27 from Amazon
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If you have kids, chances are that you are extremely familiar with goldfish crackers — those things are likely all over your car right this minute. Kids at heart may enjoy this candle that looks and smells like a bowl of the infamous snack food, but please do not eat it.

Amazon

13. The Original Mini Wacky Wavy Inflatable Arm Flailing Tubeman

$30 from Amazon
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The inflatables you see outside businesses are now available in a mini form that can sit on a desk or table. There is no logical reason to need this, but reviewers thought it was cute and fun, so why not.

Amazon

14. You Parked Like an Idiot Business Cards

$13 from Amazon
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High up on the list of life’s irritations are people who park like morons. These cards are the perfect passive aggressive way to get back at them. Reviewers say these cards are surprisingly useful, and you’ll end up using them way more than you thought.

Amazon

15. The Ultimate PB Knife

$13 from Amazon
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If it never occurred to you to use a special knife for your peanut butter and jelly sandwich, this tool could either be life-changing or pointless. The extra long blade is meant to reach the bottom of the container so no peanut butter is left behind, or you can just stick your finger in the jar and scoop.

Amazon

16. Paw Print Foam Hand Soap

$13 from Amazon
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Reviewers say this hand soap is legit. It leaves an adorable foamy paw print on your palm in every pump. It probably didn’t occur to pet lovers that they need this, but really, they do.

Amazon

17. Flashlight Gloves

$13 from Amazon
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These gloves look silly, but the use of LED lights can help you “focus on your work”, according to the description. It turns out reviewers find them quite handy (pun intended) when doing odd jobs in the dark. They also look like something a villain would wear in a movie.

Amazon

18. French Fry and Sauce Holder Set

$9 from Amazon
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It can be SUCH a pain when you order french fries in the drive through. They fall out everywhere as you shove them in your mouth. Now your french fries can stay safe in this cup holder, so you can eat junk food on the go without dropping a single fry.

Amazon

19. Useless Box With Surprises

$15 from Amazon
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This must be the most useless item on Amazon — literally. What does one do with this wooden box? Well, you press a button, watch the box open, and then observe a plastic finger shut it. Do this over and over again until you are in a trance.

Amazon

20. Toy Horse and Shark Hybrid

$16 from Amazon
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Kids of all ages are supposed to love this horse/shark figurine, which is meant to spark imagination and be a “comforting buddy." As one reviewer says, there’s not a lot to say about this “shorse”, but it’s fine if you’re looking for one.

Amazon

21. Emergency Goat Noisemaker

$11 from Amazon
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Multiple screaming goat toys on Amazon must prove that there is a market for this noisemaker. Reviewers seem to be fans, saying they were laughing nonstop. It seems perfect if you want to sneak up behind someone and give them a surprise they won’t forget.