pandemic luxury items
Cheapism

Designer Masks and Other High-End Pandemic Products That Spare No Expense

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pandemic luxury items
Cheapism

All the Protection Money Can Buy

The pandemic has highlighted plenty of inequities in American society, including the simple fact that it's way easier to avoid a virus when you have money to burn. The rich have avoided COVID-19 by chartering private jets, buying passports to less virus-laden countries, hoarding N-95 masks, and other dubious moves. Some are even snapping up products like fancy protective equipment and luxury hand sanitizer in an effort to stay healthy. Here are just a few examples.


Prices and availability are subject to change.


Related: How the Rich and Famous Continue to Travel and Party Through a Pandemic

MicroClimate Air Full-Faced Super Mask
MicroClimate

MicroClimate Air Full-Faced Super Mask

$299 from MicroClimate
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Not rich enough for a private jet, but too rich to breathe virus-infested air inside a commercial airplane? It's MicroClimate's space-age "super mask" to the rescue. It includes four HEPA filters, two fans, a fog-free acrylic dome, and an impermeable drawstring neck. (Not included? A spot on the next SpaceX rocket.)


Related: Which Airlines are Taking the Most COVID-19 Precautions?

La Perla Silk-Blend Lace Face Mask
Saks Fifth Avenue

La Perla Silk-Blend Lace Face Mask

$160 from Saks Fifth Avenue
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Nevermind that La Perla typically makes garments that aren't designed to stay on very long, if you catch our drift. If you want to turn heads during your next socially distant trip to the grocery store, this lingerie-inspired face mask made with stretch silk can help you do it.


Related: The Fanciest Face Masks You Can Buy

Amethyst Button Pusher Necklace
Uncommon Goods

Amethyst Button Pusher Necklace

$60 from Uncommon Goods
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These days, most of us mere mortals press germy buttons with our knuckles, a tissue, or maybe a pen. Of course, if you're feeling a little extra, you can also use this handmade, amethyst-embellished necklace with an "exotic flower of life design" that also functions as a button-pusher. 


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Vollebak Full Metal Jacket
Vollebak

Vollebak Full Metal Jacket

$1,095 from Vollebak
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A disease-resistant … jacket? Made with close to 7 miles of copper, Vollebak's flashy outerwear has "exceptional antimicrobial properties which means bacteria and viruses die when they make contact with it." Hmmm. And even if it won't keep you safe from COVID-19, it's engineered to be windproof, waterproof, and breathable.


Related: Stores With Comfortable Clothes That You Can Wear for Years

Acqua di Parma Colonia Hand Wash
Neiman Marcus

Acqua di Parma Colonia Hand Wash

$55 from Neiman Marcus
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Hand-washing is still one of the simplest ways to prevent disease transmission, but when you're part of the 1%, where's the fun in picking up some Softsoap at Target? A mere $5.42 an ounce gets you this "fresh and sunny" Italian soap that we can only assume also smells like mounds of burning cash.


Related: Most Ridiculous Items Sold by Luxury Retailers

sleep cocoon
Hammacher Schlemmer

Sanitizing Sleep Cocoon

$100 from Hammacher Schlemmer
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Hotel stays during a pandemic? What's a germaphobe to do? Duh: Buy a sleep cocoon. It's made from an antimicrobial blend of bamboo rayon and long-staple cotton treated with silver chloride that together "create a cleaner sleep environment." No word on whether it can ward off all those zombie-apocalypse nightmares, but good luck.


Related: Products You Won't Believe Exist

Paume In-Home Antibacterial Hand Gel Kit
Paume

Paume In-Home Antibacterial Hand Gel Kit

$54 from Paume
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About 10 months ago, we might have been desperate enough to spend more than $50 on a pouch of hand sanitizer. Alas, Paume, those days have passed, though we have to admit that the "notes of crisp citrus and aromatic cedar" do sound pretty nice compared with Eau de Purell.


Related: 20 Things We Stopped Taking for Granted in 2020

The Covidisor
Covidisor

The Covidisor

$275 from Covidisor
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The next time someone says you can't live in a bubble, whip this puppy out. Made with a lightweight polycarbonate shell, it filters both inhaled and exhaled air and includes a variable-speed fan. Bonus: You'll be on trend for our inevitable colonization of Mars.

Monogram Tapestry Bandana and Mask Set
Louis Vuitton

Monogram Tapestry Bandana and Mask Set

$490 from Louis Vuitton
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Though Louis Vuitton recently debuted a $961 LV-monogram face shield, there's no evidence of it on the website. Instead, you'll have to content yourself with this matching cotton face mask cover and bandana. They're color-stable up to five washes. For anyone who's counting, that's $98 per wear before you have to worry about blue dye bleeding onto your underwear.

Molekule Air Pro Air Purifier
Best Buy

Molekule Air Pro Air Purifier

$1,200 from Best Buy
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Designed to destroy "bacteria, mold, viruses, allergens, and more at a molecular level," the Molekule Air Pro covers up to 1,000 square feet. And when you've got extra cash to throw around, who cares that it's a cool $1,200 — after all, it sure is pretty.

Michael Ngo Revival Crystal Aurora 2.0 Face Mask
Michael Ngo

Michael Ngo Revival Crystal Aurora 2.0 Face Mask

$550 from Michael Ngo
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When a Louis Vuitton monogram is just a little too subtle for your liking, take this blinged-out, crystal-encrusted face mask out for a spin. It's made to order and comes with a detachable silver chain. For a decidedly different vibe, check out the same designer's Spiked Onyx option — just don't be surprised if people give you way more than 6 feet of social distance. 

PhoneSoap HomeSoap
Nordstrom

PhoneSoap HomeSoap

$200 from Nordstrom
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The pandemic has led to a proliferation of fancy UV-C sanitizers like PhoneSoap, designed to kill 99.9% of germs on phones and other small objects within 10 minutes using UV light. (By now, we all know COVID-19 isn't often transmitted via surfaces, but when you can buy just a little more peace of mind, who cares about science?)


Related: Disinfectant Wipes Will Destroy These Products

Hermes Eau de Citron Noir Hand and Body Cleansing Gel
Hermes

Hermes Eau de Citron Noir Hand and Body Cleansing Gel

$64 from Hermes
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Ah, to live in a world where a $64 bottle of hand soap could be part of your virus-busting routine. Hermes says this soap "offers a unique and paradoxical imprint, a surprisingly persistent freshness which rises to the challenge of tenacity." That means it smells good … we think.

Rough Diamond Mask Chain Necklace
Uncommon Goods

Rough Diamond Mask Chain Necklace

$90 from Uncommon Goods
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This season's hottest accessory-to-an-accessory? A mask holder, of course. But why get a regular ol' lanyard when you can opt for another chance at bling? This brass chain is embellished with unprocessed diamonds that can add a little much-needed sparkle to your PPE.


Related: Masks and Accessories to Make Covering Your Face More Comfortable

BioVyzr 1.0 Personal Air Purifying Shield
BioVyzr

BioVyzr 1.0 Personal Air Purifying Shield

$379 from BioVyzr
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We're not sure if the BioVyzr is better suited for pandemic safety or as a Halloween costume for fans of "Among Us," but either way, it'll sure be a conversation-starter. It's made with a fitted neoprene vest, anti-fogging face shields, two fans, and even reversible gloves that mean you can still scratch your nose. Ahhhh.

Samsung Air Dresser
Home Depot
Wearable Personal Air Purifier
Hammacher Schlemmer

Wearable Personal Air Purifier

$150 from Hammacher Schlemmer
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Don't care for the bubble-boy look? Why not go PPE chic with an air-purifier necklace from Hammacher Schlemmer? It emits "over 36 million negative ions every second that attach to and help remove pathogens from the air." It's also backed by Hammacher Schlemmer's famed lifetime guarantee, so you'll be good for the next pandemic (gulp).

Vue Shield
Vue Shield

Vue Shield

$59 from Vue Shield
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Look, face shields are a practical addition to your PPE repertoire, but chic they are not. If you don't mind dropping some major coin on a piece of plastic, the anti-fog Vue Shield is a more fashion-forward way to avoid random droplets. (Just don't forget your mask, too.)

LARQ Self-Cleaning Water Bottle
Amazon

LARQ Self-Cleaning Water Bottle

Starting at $95 from Amazon
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You're not going to get COVID-19 from water, the CDC says. But extreme germ jitters mean it's still the perfect time for a gizmo like the LARQ to find buyers willing to drop $100 on a water bottle with a light. Yup, it's UV-C to the rescue again, this time to sanitize your H2O every couple of hours. All we can say is … enjoy charging your water bottle.


Related: Cleaning Products That are a Waste of Money